A Charismatic Curse

Telling a story is so much like singing a song; you need a rhythm that sways the reader, your pitch should be perfect and the words must be crystal clear, falling into the listener’s ear with the finest clarity. But sometimes the singer has to throw away all these rules to sing a song. There will be jerks in the rhythms, raga and shruthi will have to be ignored and words will be reduced into blasting sounds. There will be nothing but energy in that song. Such is the story I am going to sing today – My story. Well… Read and Enjoy!

         

          My story starts, obviously, the day I was born. But being a family man, living a peaceful life, I have to say my real story, the story that shaped the man who I am today starts in the first week of 9^th standard; Junior college as we used to call it back then.

          After college everybody laughs at that phrase, but an unbiased perspective will tell you that there was something about the last four years at school that gave a tint of college life. It was marked by radical life-changing turning points, so many colours and plummeting attendance. What you learn over there will mould your life. I learnt a lot from Ajith. And it almost moulded my life.

          For us 9^th graders, 11^th graders were nothing less than Gods.  Just out of 10^th standard Board Exam pressure and absolutely ignorant of the academic importance thrust in the year, they were the symbols of the explosion youngsters could make. They had the energy, the power, the vibrancy, the charm… The Charisma! They were the epitome of “Fun”, ask any school student. Best at Basketball, soccer and cricket, amazing pranksters, unbeatable at repartee, kings and queens of wit and for some illogical reason – stunningly good looking! Let me put it straight, for us, hanging out with one of them was like; our ultimate ambition. Being known as, “The guy who hangs out with those 11^th graders” would do wonders to your social status (which obviously meant everything to a school boy. And a college boy. And basically any human being in the world)

          And Ajith was my hero. Boy, what is it about him that almost makes you gay. I swear I have fallen in love with him every time he smiles at me. How is Ocean blue eyes just throw me into an imperius curse! What was it about him? He was tall, handsome, smart, funny, friendly, athletic, and astonishingly popular; every girl admitted her love for him. How does all this work? Charisma… the mystery behind the word is seriously annoying.

          Thankfully, or maybe not, I had known these two facts much before I got into 9^th standard and by God’s grace, I got to know him in the first week of school itself. There, as I told you all earlier, started my story. For most of my batch mates, this part of the story might be the longest. But lucky for you, this is all there is in my case:

“Anila, I have something to tell you. And I won’t make this long. Just 3 words” The round faced girl with plaited hair and a beautiful big bindi turned red, her eyes almost pooped out. “I”, followed by the most clichéd pause and a sigh for special effects, “have a really bad stomach ache. Do you have any medicines or something?”

          “GO TO THE DOCTOR YOU JACKASS!!!” I had cracked up and started towards the gang before she could react. “And that’s 14 by the way!”

          “Sorry, always been bad at maths” Bonus points! Ajith’s right hand man, Vinay was patting my shoulder and I could see the boss himself beaming at me.

          “Good job kiddo”, Ajith high-fived me, and I had made my Grand Entry into the Most Prestigious Posse of City International School. Tadaaaa!!!

          Boy was that year fun! Was there a day I had not laughed? Was there a day that was not awesome? Started out with movies and lunch get-togethers, but soon I was with them travelling across the country for a vacation. Late night hang-outs and partying at bars had become a norm. Drinking became a habit and smoking became an addiction. And girls were flocking towards me. Dream come true moments.

I mean, I could actually see myself a few months back, yearning to have fun, the way you are supposed to have fun. And there I was, living the moment. In a matter of few months school life had changed upside-down. I was the centre of attraction in my batch – junior Ajith, as many called me! People wished they could hang out with me, guys and gals were shy of talking to me, and my juniors looked up to me with awe. Lived every minute of it, let me tell you. When somebody treats you like a boss, be the boss! And when people don’t, treat them like shit!

“Where are you going?” My mom enquired, and that pissed me off. Moreover, the place where I was going to… was not a place anyone would discuss with their parents.

“Mom, I am not a kid. Please let me be myself…” My mom was always that annoying type. You know, always nagging you, “Where are you going?”, “When will you be back?”, “Be careful when you cross the road” and it goes on and on and on and on… Of late, I learnt to ignore it. I seriously didn’t want anything to ruin the moment. I was fussy about my royal stature.

  “How do you get rid of annoying Moms?” I asked Ajith one day. It seems it was a question almost everyone in our group had.

“Get married”

“And how do you get rid of annoying wives?” another question popped up.

“You can’t. Law of the universe my pal. An annoying woman is always there to ruin the day!” Ajith was unstoppable.

So was my mom. “Did you do your homework today?”

“Mom, FIY, I got past 4^th standard five year back!” I simply walked out of the house.

And as I explored new arenas of school life, started moving to next levels, even my mom started stepping up her game. Can’t call it a game, sometimes it was seriously annoying and got on my nerves.

“That doesn’t even belong to me. I have to return it tomorrow. Got it just for one bloody day, can’t you at least let me play for that one day?” – When she hid the PSP I borrowed from my friend, so that I focus on my studies. Things got a tad rougher when she found cigarettes under my bed.

          If my mom was tough, I was the Don. Nothing could stop me from living the life. I played my Play Station, had me drinks and lived my life. Yeah, she was there with her constant policing, but as they say, Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin, Namumkin Hai!

          Until finally we reached the, “This ends here!” moment. Kind of too childish to describe the situation actually, because what happened could easily be called as World War III if she anybody but my Mom. Second term results were out and she found the report card which, I thought I had were tactfully hidden! “WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN SCHOOL? WHAT KIND OF MARKS ARE THESE?” The anger in her eyes…

          “Amma, nobody studies in 9^th standard. Nobody will even see these marks. Everybody -”

          “I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN ABOUT EVERYBODY. I DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO ANYTHING. THERE IS A LIMIT; I CANNOT TOLERATE ANY MORE OF THIS NONSENSE!”

          “Who is asking you to?”

          I almost did it in my pants I swear! The way her face turned, tears filled in her eyes, cheeks turned red, as if on fire. She was shivering all over, never had I seen her like that. She grabbed my hand with every ounce of strength and pulled me into my room. “YOU ARE SITTING IN HERE. THAT IS IT!” She screamed locking the room from outside. And I could not even move. The entire scene had paralysed my. And worse, I would miss my movie that night!

          And for a whole day, she did not open the door. I figured she meant business. For even if I had blasted the twin tower and my mom happened to be the President of the US, she would still give me three meals a day!

          One of Ajith’s friends had once told me how to open locked doors without the key. You could use a safety pin; twist it into a key and “Open sesame!” had never tried it before, but it worked. It was well past midnight, so I figured mom must have been asleep. Thought of dialling Ajith and meeting up. Cautiously, I moved to the living room to get out of the house. I found my mom lying on the floor in front of the sofa. She had fainted.

          I rushed towards her, her glaring face filled with tears still in front of my eyes, pulled her head on my lap and tried to wake her up. She wouldn’t wake up. Brought a glass of water from the kitchen and sprinkled it on her face, slowly she opened her eyes. Her head turned towards me and she jerked up, “Oh! Wait, oh my God, did I fall asleep. So sorry da! Wait, dinner is ready, eat now”

          She ran towards the kitchen chiding herself. “How could I fall asleep!? Oh my God, my boy has not eaten anything today. Here, eat fast. Shayy! I didn’t feed you anything, Oh my God!”

          Wait, did my mom just get Alzheimer’s or something. What was going on? I was shocked. “I am so sorry da. I shouldn’t have locked you up. I don’t know, I got so angry, and… so,” and she started weeping. “I didn’t know what to do. How to make you listen? How to make you understand? You listen to your friends and obey every word they say. They are cool, and all that. I am not. What would I do? I just didn’t know. I am so sorry da. Here, have some more. Do you want anything else?”

          Obey every word they say? I didn’t obey everything they said. I was not their slave. Wait… I…

          “Dad, I going to play with my friends. And in the name of bloody heaven will you get my cell phone fixed atleast today!? It has been almost a week since I have been screaming and… I want it perfectly working today itself, alright?” My son shouted from across the room and slammed the door.

          That night my mom taught me two things:

1.    Charisma a curse. It makes you oblivious about a beautiful world; that is just not charismatic.

2.    If you set your heart to it. You can even make a blind man see.

And today my son reminded me one thing. Life has to go a full circle. Wonder where I kept the keys to his room?

                                                                                                                                        

Love

The MCP's Love Affair

          Certainly the best way to entertain anybody is a love story. And when your narrator is Jithin the Ultimate MCP, you are in for one awesome roller-coaster ride. Starting right from Class X and all the way through collage, it is a saga of conquests and mind blasting victories. Challenges were many but for someone of my calibre - Childsplay. Well, I can't take all the credit for myself, I mean, women are dumb. And easy to play around. And not to mention real fun, if you know what you are doing. Well then, now that you know what's in store for you - Read and Enjoy. By the way, MCP stands for Macho Charismatic Playboy!
          As I told you before, it all started in class X, with this hot chick called... What was her name? Ummm... Absolutely no clue. Well, I most often referred to her as the Pizza Girl. The first time I saw her was in Pizza hut, and cupid was quick to strike. It was my first shot at trying to woo someone, so I do admit, I was nervous and didn't know what to do. After saying a prayer to all those fraud lover boys in the movies, who always end up getting the girl with their super genius master plan, I decided to make my move. The plan was simple - Make her Laugh.
          I was the lion stalking my prey, waiting for the right chance to pounce at the petite animal, and go for the kill. There was just one shot, and I had to get it right. I saw her ordering and one by one her table was filling. I was patient. That lion had to be. At one point I thought the chance was lost, but before she finished her lunch she ordered drinks, and I realized, my chance had come - she didn't get her straw. Swiftly I moved, grabbed a straw from cash counter and tossed it into her glass. It missed. As if like a dance move, I grabbed another straw in no time and tossed it again, this time from a safer distance. The straw bounced of the glass and fell on the ground. And just as expected, she laughed at my goof-up. I had scored!
          My next move was swift and well planned. I stalked her cautiously and got an idea of where she hangs out. She was a regular customer of a juice-shop in the neighbourhood, so I made myself one too. Everytime, she visited the juice shop, I was there. And very soon, I introduced myself, "Hey, I am Jithin. You know, you have really beautiful eyes!"
          Jackpot!!! It worked like a charm. How her cheeks turned red still gives me goosebumps. "Thank you", she responded with a giggle. I had made my first conquest. The next day I asked for her mobile number and the deal was closed. It was the beginning of a fascinating love-life. Hours and hours on the phone during the nights and many more in the corridors of our school. Oh, I forgot to tell, Pizza girl happened to be studying in my next class. Talk about a bumper Jackpot.
          That is the story of how a Casanova was born. Once I started dating Pizza girl, I earned the belief that for "The MCP" any girl was possible. I also realized that wooing a girl is not exactly nuclear physics, as matter of fact, it is a piece of cake. Atleast for me it is. By the end of class X, I had the phone number of almost every girl in my class and by the end of school, I had dated almost every girl in school.
          And how much they adore me, nobody stops loving me no matter what I do to them. I mean, I even told Pizza girl, once, how dumb all the girls were and how easy it is to sweep them off their feet, and she just laughed it off. Girls are dumb! And they are fun!
          Did you know that even this name - MCP, was actually something all the girls called me! Macho Charismatic Player. Girls are awesome yaar. And I am so much more awesome.
          But school just happened to be the trailer. A 5 minute preview of the action packed 2 hour movie. 'Cuz college life was a bang - MCP reloaded. That was the time, when I was at the epitome of charm and charisma (I still suspect if my roommate had a crush on me!)
          Although, I don't think much of her as a person (I don't think much of any girl to be honest), much of all the credit goes to my first real girlfriend, The Blanket Girl. Simple reason actually, I proposed to her while we went to buy some blanket for her. And what a fuss she made for one silly blanket, "This one is too soft, this one is too light, this one is not the right material". I still wonder whether I proposed 'cuz she looked amazing or just to get the hell out of the blanket shop. God! Girls can give you a headache with their shopping habits!
          Within a few months time, I made out with her too. That was seriously a blast man! I mean, I did have to make a sacrifice of not hanging out with any other girl for a while, but if you ask me, totally worth it! Any day, the highlight of my college life I would say. And I really owe Blanket girl for that one!
          And what else, you want to hear more. Let me just tell you this much. All of this happened in just one year of college. I had four years of it. Do the math. Well anyways, I have a little work to do, so tata bye bye for now. And yeah...

                                                                    - The End -

          And the problem with all the stories, is that men say it. Be it a book or a comic or a fairytale or a shortfilm or a full length movie. Men are the story tellers.
          Couldn't agree more.
          Good heavens sometimes it gets so annoying. You have seen it in the movies right. The hero makes his move, I dare say, if I were the heroine he wouldn't make it alive out of the movie. And all these stories only tell you only the guy's version. It's - well, what are you having?
          Coffee for me.
          Me too.
          3 cups of coffee. Well, what I was saying is, it's not just these stories that you read and all. Even the stories that float around are so... guyish. Makes me puke.
          It is most often that way. Is it not?
          Hell no!
          Hahahahaaa.....
          Seriously Priya. You haven't seen anything! Absolutely anything. It was so damn awesome what happened in school. When was it, sometime in the beginning of class X, I guess. The first time I saw him was when he was getting busted by his Maths teacher, saw it while I was walking from my classroom to some lab class. It was like, his teacher called out his name and asked him to come and sit in the front seat, and this jerk just bounced up on hearing his name and shouted, "Miss God Promise I didn't do it. I swear Ma'am I didn't do anything! God Promise!" My God, that is one joke I will share even in my last breathe!
          A serious loser that guy was. He used to try out these stupid tricks to all the girls and every single time his plans got so badly busted. The first time he tried to woo me was at Pizza hut. I was having lunch and for almost half an hour this jerk was staring at me. I seriously had a hard time not trying to laugh. And in the end he comes up to me and just tossed a straw into my class of soda. I didn't know whether he was trying to be cool or was he was trying to make me laugh or whatever, but he was seriously desperate and I couldn't help myself. I just started ROFLMFAO!
           And then he used to follow me around, staring me as if, I mean, I always wonder whether he thought I was blind and didn't notice him staring at me. And all of a sudden, one day he came up to me and was like, "Yeah, your eyes and really beautiful, blah, blah, blah..." Yaar, I really felt sorry for him.
          Hahahahaaa....
          Then just for the fun of it I gave him my phone number too. A lot of girls used to go out with guys and all that so even I wanted to know. What this dating and being in a relationship and all that is about. So, just gave it a try. And, let me be honest here, at first it was kind of OK. But then this guy started just, stalking me all the time, and going on and going on. Even that was alright. But then he started hanging out with other girls, flirting with everyone and it just got on my nerves at one point. But all that was actually tolerable, except one bloody non-sense that he said. Seriously crossed the line, that one! According to him, "All girls are so Dumb. It is so easy to sweep any girl off her feet", it seems. If I had a gun, he would be dead before he finished his sentence. At that moment, I laughed it off, but vowed to myself, "One day you will wish you were not born!"
          And the revenge story happen-
          Then college started and I got my first boyfriend.
          Alright then. Lets stick to chronology.
          Thank you. Yeah, my first boyfriend. First year of college and I was this innocent girl from a village, now in the big city, and.... It all started with this blanket. You see, back in the village I had this really cozy blanket and, mostly for nostalgic purposes, I really needed a very good blanket. Searched in a lot of places but couldn't quite find the right one. So one day I decided to go shopping and this wannabe Casanova said he would give me company. So, at that time I didn't know who he was, was he a player, what is a player and all that. I was really new to the big city and I didn't want to offend anyone, so I said ok! He gave me company, and while we were at the store he just suddenly asked, "Will you be my girlfriend?" I was so darn shocked, had no clue what to say, I just chocked, "Yes" or "alright" I have no clue what my words were. It just hit me like a bomb. 
          Then after that I thought about it and was like, I have come to the city, so let me just see what the culture is, what happens around here and thought maybe I did make the right decision. But I promised myself that studies would always come first.
          And that was not exactly possible with my "boyfriend" around. Phone call after phone call, sms over sms, he wouldn't let me read a book for 2 minutes. Such a headache. After every call I would decide, Ok let me end this. But then, Never quite gathered the nerve to break-up. Just let it go on and tried to adjust with it. 
          And then one day that bloody blundaleomite, rascal, son of a dash tried to kiss me.
          Really? What happened?
          Ugh... We were just in the library or something. I was minding my own business. He was, as usual, stalking me. And all of a sudden he just leaped onto me. I ran out of there like crazy. Blocked his number in my phone and cut him off completely. Jeez, I will never forget how I psyched out that day. Couldn't stop crying all night.
          Yuck!
          But things were just starting to get worse. He blabbed around the entire college that he made out with me.
          What the?
          I seriously considered suicide. But that's when -
          I entered the picture. Once college started, I totally forgot about school, to be honest. But then, through a lot of friends I had in their college, I came to know what was going on, and how that loser who thinks girls are dumb, was at it again. I re-took my vow. Had to teach him a lesson!
          So we both teamed up.
          And tried every single trick in our sleeve. Alas, let me tell you, nothing worked. That was really tragic I have to tell you, I mean, We tried everything. We hacked into his mail id and messed up. We asked a guy in his hostel to put Vim in his food. That plan was a big time flop. You know there is this powder that makes you itch like crazy. His roommate had to suffer. And another bunch of stuff, but almost everything backfired.
          Fish yaar. So sad!
          Until...
          My friend here dropped the bomb.
          Huh? What did she do?
          It all happened by mistake actually.
          She told a bunch of guys that he was having sex with his roommate and that's why the roommate was itching so badly!
          BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
          Hahaha.... I know. It was like. They were - hahahaaa - asking something about whether we had  to do anything with the itching powder. And I was like, "No, it's because that kid is allergic to sex"
          And the climax seriously couldn't get any better. Even now, if you ask him how college life was, he will tell you that he made out with a girl in the first year and ask you to guess what happened the remaining 3 years. Those were seriously hell years for him. Not a single girl spoke to him after that rumour broke out. Poor fellow.
          So sad. I mean. Hahaha.... So awesome!
          Really. I mean, totally deserved it! To this day, if I am not wrong, even know he thinks that MCP, as we used to call him in school, stands for Macha Charismatic Player! The bloody Male Chauvinistic Pig!
          Hahahaaa.... Anyway girls, had a really great time. It is time for me to leave. My husband will come to pick me up anytime now. So see you later.
          Ohhh... That's so sweet.
          Yeah, I know, he is really nice. He cooks, cleans, drives me around, its really nice.
          Nice! What's his name?
          Jithin. Oh, wait let me get you a tissue. Huh, what just happened? Hey, did I miss something?

Love ;)